Can You Live A Normal Life With Food Allergy?
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If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, Can my food allergy kid really live a normal, well-balanced life? then you’re in the right place.
This is one of those questions that hits hard, right? I mean, it’s something we food allergy moms think about all the time—especially at diagnosis.
I still remember that moment so clearly. My mind was spinning with thoughts like, ‘Wait, does this mean no birthday cake? No cookie decorating at Christmas? No pizza at sleepovers?’ It felt like a tidal wave of emotions because until you’re in the thick of it, you don’t realize just how deeply food is woven into every part of our kids’ lives. It’s at every event, every celebration, every little moment.
That was over 17 years ago, but I’ve revisited that question again and again. And if you’re anything like me, you probably have too. So today, I’m sharing my personal stories, my real-life reflections, and the life lessons I’ve learned after 17 years as a food allergy mama.
Whether you're brand new to the food allergy journey or have been navigating it for a while, this episode is packed with insights that’ll make you feel seen, heard, and hopefully a little more empowered.
Can You Live A Normal Life With Food Allergies?
Can you picture this?
Hannah is 6 years old. She’s a joyful kid who likes school, especially playing at recess and special games. Today, Hannah noticed that her best friend, Aria brought cupcakes to school.
Hannah saw that Aria loves the same kind of cupcakes as she does, which she knows is one more reason they are best friends. She notices her favorite Disney character on top of each perfectly decorated light pink and blue cupcake topped with sprinkles. She’s looking forward to the creamy, sweet frosting, and she couldn’t help but jump up and down in anticipation of this special treat.
Only when the time comes, Hannah isn’t allowed to eat the cupcake. Her teacher reminds her that because of her food allergy, it’s not safe.
Hannah remembers her allergy and the reminder of her reality sinks in. She doesn’t want her body to break out in itchy, ugly hives. She doesn’t want to feel sick and throw up. And she especially doesn’t want to faint or have a problem breathing so they have to use her epinephrine in front of everybody in her class.
So she sticks with the same, safe treat she gets every time, even though Aria’s special treat would have been the bright spot of her day. She desperately holds it in, so her friends can’t see, but Hannah’s excitement turns into full-on disappointment and sadness.
By the end of the day, when Hannah sees her mom in the school pick-up lane, she finally spills her tears, each one representing exclusion, isolation, and a feeling of being different.
Awe man, that story hits me hard. I think it hits hard because I wrote it based on my own daughter’s story after a particularly hard day at school.
I still remember that day clearly, because I knew something was up when she had tears in her eyes at the pickup lane. I could tell that she had been just barely holding them in, and she couldn’t do anything to keep them from falling once she reached the safety of our car.
That experience taught me something important. Before this, I felt good leaving my girl at school, because her teacher had a nut allergy herself, and I knew that the teacher would know how to keep her safe. But that was the day that I realized I needed to fight for her inclusion, as well as her safety. Here’s what I mean by that…
My daughter was in grade 1 when this happened. Up until that time, her teachers were pretty good with food allergies. Most of them had experience with food allergies because one had a son with food allergies, and the current teacher, had a nut allergy herself.
NOW as a side note: as my daughter continued on in school, I felt that the teachers were less and less familiar with food allergy safety as she got older. It was something I had to teach them every year. If your child is in school, I have lots of school related podcasts, and I recommend listening to them.
BUT, what I learned that day, was that to an elementary school kid, watching your friends eat a treat that you can’t have is really, really hard.
So, if I wanted my daughter to have a more normal life at school, things needed to change because birthday treats happen at school almost once per week. And if it’s not a birthday treat, there would be other celebrations and treats, and it was OFTEN. More often than I ever thought!
And before you come at me saying that I need to prepare her for the real world because people won’t cater to her in the real world, you need to know that food allergy kids already experience exclusion EVERYWHERE.
Food is everywhere and in every event, from kid’s sports to church, and everything in between. Honestly, exclusion is more the norm than the exception.
So for us food allergy families, I think we just want to create even just one or two places where our kiddos can be included and do things just like everyone else, instead of constantly feeling left out.
So that day I learned that I not only needed to advocate for my girl’s safety, BUT also her inclusion at school too. That was a big aha moment for me.
2. Another moment in time, when I wondered if my food allergy kid would have a normal, well-balanced life was around grade 2-3 during “birthday party season”.
I know all you elementary school parents know what “birthday party season” is like because it starts in September and goes until after Halloween. But during this time, your kid gets invited to what feels like a million birthday parties😂. Not to mention Halloween parties, and then all the social events that come after during the Holidays.
I remember sitting on our stairs that go from the main floor to the upper floor, and I was reading yet another text from a mom who was inviting my daughter to another birthday party.
I loved that she was getting invited, don’t get me wrong, but I felt overwhelmed. I desperately wanted my daughter to be able to go, but I was getting burnt out by educating every single host so that they would know how to keep her safe. It felt draining to constantly explain, yet again that my daughter needed different food from everyone else, and figure out all the logistics of what food she would have and then teaching the mom how to use the epinephrine and all the things she needed to know.
As I sat there, I thought, there has to be a better way. Which is when I figured it out.
Why don’t I just reuse a really good birthday party response so that I can save myself time and effort? So that’s what I did. And so one of my first templates was born. If you’ve been listening for a while, you know how important I think templates are for food allergy moms & families. You can use them in so many situations to make those draining, overwhelming situations much easier. I talk about it specifically in episode #6, so if you haven’t already listened to that, definitely check it out.
So that is one of the RSVP templates I started, and of course, I’ve tweaked it a lot since then, as I’ve had feedback from other moms and tested it over years and years. If you want my tried and true templates that I’ve perfected over many years for all kinds of social events, you can get them! I’ve put them into the Social Event Survival Pack, so that you’ll be able to explain food allergies easily and clearly so that people understand how serious they are and how to help you manage them. I’ll post the link in the shownotes for that.
BUT, in addition to figuring out the magic of RSVP templates, I’ve learned that it IS possible to teach others to care for your kids when you’re not there.
Yes, it’s important that the host understand the severity of allergies, and have an open mind and a cooperative attitude; but your child CAN celebrate birthdays and other events with their friends like other kids can!
3. Another moment where I wondered if my child would be able to live a “NORMAL” life was before her grade 9 overnight camp where she actually FLEW with her school to a camp in British Columbia and stayed there for 3 or 4 nights. We live in Alberta, Canada and she got to go with her whole grade 9 class as a group to Vancouver Island.
I worried about this trip for awhile because I felt like it might be hard for my daughter to go because not only did she need to be really careful about what she ate, but she also needed to do her OIT protocol as well.
If you’re not familiar with OIT, there is a certain requirements needed. For example, you can’t exercise, increase your heart rate, or sleep and she has to be supervised for 1-2 hours after taking her dose. So I had to train her teacher about the protocol.
At first, I didn’t think it would work for her to join in. I felt so nervous, because this was the first time she would be away from us overnight. Yes, we have blessed her with a lot of travel experience as a family, so going on a plane and all the travel stuff wasn’t new, BUT it was the first time she was looking out for herself and she didn’t have us around for her treatment.
But after thinking about it, and talking with my daughter, we decided to find a way to make it work.
So a couple of months before the camp, we met with her teacher and principal, and created a plan. A plan for traveling to and from the camp, and for all the activities at the camp. For example, she went on a whale watching boat, and needed a special snack for that day. We also made a plan for when she would take her OIT dose each day and how the teacher would watch her without singling her out too much.
At the time, everything felt so overwhelming, but slowly, after our meetings and many emails, and once I knew she had a team that would help keep her safe, and that they really understood how important all of this was, I felt so much better. I think it was in the process of creating her plan, together with the teachers/principal that we became more courageous because we could tell they were taking things seriously.
So what I learned from that is that sometimes we have to start scared. Once we get a plan in place, our courage comes, but it may not feel possible in the beginning. Of course, there are still times when things won’t work, and we can’t beat ourselves up for that, BUT this is the case for any kid, whether they have food allergies or not. Sometimes things just don’t work out. But what I want to point out is that, food allergies don’t have to hold your child back from everything. It is possible!
Conclusion
So even though you never stop wondering whether your child will have a normal life with food allergies, I want you to know that, number one, learn from those ahead of you on the journey. Get encouragement and practical advice, and use it. And number 2, where there is a will, there is a way.
Yes, an experience with food allergies, no matter what it is will look different and will need some accommodations and effort from you, your child, and their caregiver, BUT usually, it can be done. Your child can experience the same things the other kids experience!
What do you think? Can food allergy kids have a normal, well-balanced life? Send me a quick DM on Instagram and let me know your thoughts. My handle is @friendlypantry
Did you know I have a low-cost series of workshops designed to help you with the biggest food allergy struggles?
Social Event Survival Pack - RSVP Templates that get hosts to understand how serious food allergies are, without feeling awkward.
90-Minute Variety Booster - Your Quick & Easy Way To Get More Allergy-Friendly Variety You & Your Kids Love
Get Over The Fear of Trying New Foods - Feel calm instead of nauseous so you can give your child the new foods your doctor recommended.
School Allergy Plan Template - Your detailed guide to keeping your child safe and included at school.
Food Allergy Travel Workshop - Our family has traveled worldwide with multiple severe food allergies. Learn my BEST tips and get all the planning checklists and planning templates you need for a trip with food allergies.
Dining Out With Food Allergies - Make dining out as safe as possible and feel confident knowing when it’s safe and when to leave.
Just go to the “GET HELP” page to learn more about all of these workshops!
Food Allergy Kid’s Empowerment Guide
On another note: As a Food Allergy Mentor, I know that daycare/preschool and school is a scary transition for food allergy parents. Its never to early to get them ready! I’ve got a free resource that will help you prepare your child age 2-7 for more independence. This free guide is perfect. Sign up today!
