Letting Go of Food Freedom Envy: From Allergy Anxiety to Peace.
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If you're a mom navigating the daily challenges of food allergies, you know how tough it can be—especially when those feelings of frustration or resentment start creeping in.
Maybe you're tired of seeing others stop for takeout on a whim, or your heart aches at the sight of your child crying because they can’t have the same birthday cake as everyone else; you're not alone, and today’s episode is just for you.
We’re tackling something many food allergy moms face but rarely talk about—envy. Whether it’s the resentment of the restrictions, being left out of social events or feeling jealous that another mom can put anything in her grocery cart without a glance at the label, we’ll dive deep into understanding why these feelings come up, why it’s important to manage them, and more importantly, how to move past them.
Stick around for some real talk, and actionable steps that will help you shift from resentment to resilience, and help your child do the same!
Hey there, I’m Corinna!
I help severe food allergy parents keep their kids safe, and worry less at home, school, at social events, and while traveling. I believe that food allergy families and kids deserve safe & fulfilling life experiences, and it’s my goal to help you get there!
If you believe this too, make sure to sign up for the FREE Food Allergy Kid’s Empowerment Guide. You’ll get ways to get your child aged 1-8 ready for the independence of school, PLUS I’ll keep you in the loop about the allergy lifestyle programs I offer and ways to connect with hundreds of other anaphylactic food allergy mamas like you! Hope to see you there!
What Is Food Freedom Envy?
First of all, food freedom envy doesn’t just happen to moms. It can happen to dads, grandparents, kids, and even aunts and uncles.
But what is it?
Food freedom envy, or food allergy resentment is that feeling you get when you see everyone else:
giving their kids anything at a restaurant without worry.
grabbing an unplanned ice cream with their kids whenever they want.
throwing groceries in their cart without a second glance at the label.
It’s a deep, disheartening feeling that someone else has an easier life or doesn’t have to worry like you do. I know I’ve felt it, and it’s very, very common. So if you’ve experienced it, don’t worry, you’re not alone!
I know that I’ve had these feelings a lot over the years, especially when my kids were younger.
But leaving these feelings to run our minds and hearts can be super damaging to our mental health. Karen Swartz, M.D. director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The John Hopkins Hospital said this:
“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease, and diabetes, among other conditions.
And if we as moms are suffering in our mental health, we have the danger of passing that worry on to our kids too, and we really don’t want to do that. I know that so many of us hope that we can help our child live a normal, happy life, and the last thing we want to do is pass on an unhealthy habit.
What Causes Food Freedom Envy?
Simply put, I think that food allergy envy is caused by comparison.
Comparing someone else’s life to your own can make it seem like they have it better. Unfortunately, you’re only seeing the outside. But let me assure you, EVERYBODY has hard parts to life. Nobody is without hardship, and comparing somebody’s VISIBLE life to your real life is dangerous and misleading.
But what do we do when we inevitably find ourselves making these comparisons? Keep reading…
What To Do When You Feel Food Freedom Resentment
Stop comparison.
Let’s face it, seeing these carefree families and comparing it to our own lives as anaphylactic food allergy parents is really, really hard.
And it’s ok. We all feel this way at times
But what I don’t want you to do is constantly compare. But you may say, how do we stop it??
I think it’s important to acknowledge the truth of what you’re feeling. Let yourself mourn what you’ve lost and feel sad about it. Food allergies aren’t fair and, sadly, you and your child have to live this way. Take some time to process it without judging yourself or feeling guilty for feeling this way.
This is a normal feeling, and it’s ok to feel it.
But once we’ve spent some time in that place, we need to recognize that we can’t let it take over our mind, so that’s when it’s time to MOVE past it.
To do this it’s almost like you need to give yourself a bit of tough love, in a way. Remember that this is the ONLY life you have, and wishing for what others have doesn’t change that. Instead, wishing for what others have causes bitterness in your heart.
So, I encourage you to put your blinders on. Don’t be tempted to compare. If you see something that makes you jealous, try to capture that thought, put it out of your mind, and replace it by focusing on the amazing family you have and the opportunities that are in front of you and within your reach
(p.s. that’s what I hope to show you here, on this podcast, is the positive opportunities that are within reach of food allergy families).
Another thing to remember is that we envy a certain part of that person’s life, BUT EVERY single person and family has something hard in their lives, we just don’t always know it. For example, we might see another mom randomly stop for a treat or fast food whenever they want, but maybe they’re also dealing with the death of a family member by someone who was drinking and driving. We just don’t know, and so it’s so important to remember that we see a small part of their lives, but they could be dealing with something just as hard as we are.
So it’s important NOT to compare our lives with others, but what can we focus on?
2. Focus on gratitude.
So I’m going to touch on my Christian faith here a bit, but I know that not everyone who listens is a follower of Christ, so hang tight with me because I have other reasons why gratitude is important too.
But in my daily Bible studies recently, God has been pointing me to come to Him with gratitude.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 says “Give thanks in all circumstances: for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6 says Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
So God actually tells us to be thankful. He tells us to be thankful not only in the good times, but in ALL circumstances and in EVERY situation. That means when we’re sad about food allergies or feeling food freedom envy or whatever hard place we’re in.
Why? God tells us to be thankful because HE made us, and he knows gratitude will help us.
Here’s the thing.
Neuroscience shows that your brain releases chemicals based on your thoughts. So positive thoughts give you feel-good chemicals and negative thoughts produce chemicals that make your body feel bad.
God’s word, which was written WAY before neuroscience was even a thing, tells us to give thanks in everything because God knows that focusing on gratitude will shift the focus away from uncertainties and dangers of things like food allergies, and instead gratitude creates space for positive emotions which will release feel-good chemicals and reduce stress.
If you want to learn more about Biblical mindset, a friend of mine named Cindy Stewart wrote a book called A Happy Healthy Mind!
So whether you have a Christian faith or not, gratitude is essential.
Not only does gratitude cause your brain to release feel-good chemicals, but focusing on gratitude will also foster a mindset of positivity and what’s going well. Whether it’s being thankful for a hug from your child, or finding a new allergy-safe food, or seeing a beautiful sunrise, having a mindset of positivity will help you better cope with challenges that come up because of food allergies.
Lastly, focusing on gratitude will make a HUGE impact on your kids. Modeling gratitude will show your child how to deal with their food allergies in a more positive way.
Our kids are watching us and soaking everything in, and whether we like it or not, they will copy our attitudes and mindsets as they grow.
Don’t get me wrong, nobody’s perfect, and we aren’t going to model gratitude perfectly, but just doing what we can will promote better emotional and psychological health for our kids and make a generational impact too.
No pressure there at all 😊, we all struggle with this, but I hope you can see how focusing on gratitude is important!
The 3rd tip I have for overcoming food freedom envy is to
3. Take small actions to make the change you want to see.
I don’t know about you, but when I put myself into action-taking mode, it can often help to focus my attention and feel like I’m making a difference.
I know that many of you listening are in a really busy stage of life, so do what you can in the stage you’re in. If that’s small actions, that is enough! There’s no shame here.
By focusing on small actions, you can feel like you’re making a difference which replaces that envy with a sense of purpose.
So, IF you want your child to be included, you can take a small action by educating someone about food allergies. This can be as simple as talking about it with a mom who’s invited your child to a birthday party.
I know that many moms don’t want to rock the boat, and so they try and do as much as possible behind the scenes, but by talking about food allergies, in a kind and grateful way, you can make a change.
I always say that: every person you educate, is ONE more that understands. I talk about this more in episode #15, about how to increase food allergy awareness every day, and if you haven’t listened to that, definitely go there after this because it will give you a really positive cheer session for educating people about food allergies.
But, each small thing you do, makes a difference! Don’t ever forget that. Not only in your child’s life but in the food allergy community too. Because every small change made by each food allergy mom will add up to make a bigger and bigger impact TOGETHER.
So keep going. Don’t give up, I know it’s not easy, but I’m cheering for you!
CONCLUSION
What do you think? Was this helpful?
You can also send me a message in the comments below or over on Instagram @friendlypantry. I love hearing from you!
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