Easy Tips for Navigating Social Events With Your Food Allergy Child Miniseries - How To Create Awareness

Part 2

Navigating social events with food allergies can be one of the most overwhelming and difficult things we do as food allergy moms. Each event is unique and we often find that we have to start over with educating for EVERY EVENT. Not only that, but each event is usually focused on food which makes it even harder to manage. One question I OFTEN think is: why does everything have to revolve around food?

Needless to say, social events with a food allergy child can be exhausting and overwhelming, to say the least.

This is why I thought I would do a miniseries with specific and EASY tips for navigating social events with your food allergy child.

I know right now, with the pandemic, we’re still limited in many ways for social events, but even if you’re not going to a lot of social events right now, learning how to navigate social events now will help you for when things get more normal again.

Just a quick note: I’ve written specific blog posts about a lot of events like BBQs, Weddings, Birthday Parties and Playdates specifically so make sure to read those by clicking on the word’s “Social Events” on the right of this blog to read them.

I remember back when we were first diagnosed with food allergies. My girls were babies and toddlers and social situations were so completely daunting and scary.

We were the only ones in our social group and families with severe allergies so I found it really hard to let people know what we needed.

I would go between being really relaxed on the outside (and freaking out on the inside at the event) to being OVERLY demanding. It took a long, long time to get it right, and it’s not perfect now.

But I’m definitely WAAAAY better at it than I was in the beginning. So I want to share with you the things that I KNOW work. I’m going to give you one tip today, but make sure to check the other 2 blogs too. Last week we talked about easy ways to make your food allergy communication clearer . Next week we’ll talk about some solutions for navigating events and the pros and cons of each.

Today’s EASY TIP for Navigating Social Events With A Food Allergy Child is UNDERSTAND YOUR FOOD ALLERGY BOUNDARIES

Watch this quick video on this topic here:

What are boundaries?

In the simplest form, boundaries define what’s most important to you. They’re the non-negotiables.

Have you thought about your food allergy boundaries at social events??

Here are some examples of food allergy boundaries. Of course, these are just a couple ideas and you may have others, but we’ll use these as a starting point:

Food served to my child needs to be prepared in a clean environment where I’m sure that others have taken the time to completely clean away traces of allergens and avoid cross-contact.

I need to read all ingredient labels for all food served to my child.

If you haven’t already, I would love for you to come up with some boundaries. They may change and evolve over time, but it really helps to have a starting point.

So once you have some boundaries set, that’s great, but I want to point out that these are YOUR boundaries and not the event host’s boundaries.

What does that mean?

It means that the host may not agree with you about your idea of what’s important for their event.

But the idea isn’t to get them to agree.

For example, you may not even choose to talk about these boundaries with the host. You can decide if you do and it will likely depend on how well you know them and what the event it is.

So in the end, does creating these boundaries mean that others must be forced to adhere to all your boundaries so that you can come to their event? No.

In fact, for me, I would rather not force people to adhere to my boundaries, especially if they don’t see them as important.

Because If they don’t understand how important the boundaries are, it doesn’t mean that they are cruel or mean, IT JUST MEANS THEY AREN’T IN THAT PLACE YET.

It doesn’t mean they won’t get there, or that they don’t want to help, but they just haven’t reached a place of understanding yet. I don’t feel that pushing boundaries on the event host isn’t the best way to bring them to understanding.

So if we have food allergy boundaries and we can’t make the host follow those boundaries, what do we do?

I look for solutions that we can use as a family. I’ll have some ideas and the pros and cons of each in my NEXT blog.

Don’t get me wrong, I always mention what we will be doing and WHY so you can start the conversation with the host, but I NEVER expect them to comply. Sometimes, people will ask how they can help. If so, this is the chance to talk more about it with them.

The amount you talk about your boundaries will really depend on how CLOSE you are to the host.

I feel like in the beginning, I wasn’t clear enough with a few of the people closest to me which caused CONFUSION and many years of miscommunication.

So consider how often you’ll be attending events with that person and how good your relationship is when you decide how much to educate about your boundaries.

If the host does NOT offer to help me manage my boundaries, I try not to take it personally. Because it’s not personal. It’s a matter of understanding and I know I can change their understanding with small actions of education over time.

When I’m feeling frustrated with this (and believe me it still happens), I TRY TO REMEMBER - I CAN’T CONTROL OTHERS. I CAN ONLY CONTROL MY RESPONSE TO OTHERS.

Conclusion

So to wrap this up...

It’s important to create boundaries when it comes to allergy-safe food at social events.

In an ideal world, people will help with whatever they can and I graciously accept that help whenever possible; but for the most part, I try and find ways to meet the boundaries MYSELF.

PLEASE read and SHARE this post with other food allergy moms and food allergy groups. Sharing IS a great way to help other food allergy moms and increase food allergy awareness. Thank you so much!