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Staying Positive When Others Don't Make Food Allergy Accommodations

UPDATED March 2024

Have you ever read a good book that later turned into a movie?  The book gave you all the feels and you just couldn't put it down (who cares if it cost precious sleep -  you needed to find out how it ended!).  Then you found out that people in Hollywood felt the same way because a few months down the road they decided to make a movie about it.  So, to re-live all the feels, you cleared your busy calendar and used your entertainment budget to buy your tickets for the show. 

Except, after the movie was done, you were thinking; that’s it?

The movie just didn’t live up to the awesomeness of the book.  You were left feeling disappointed and resentful because you were hoping for something more, and you spent all this money and time on something that didn’t give you what you wanted.  It was a real bummer.

I often think about this scenario and wonder why the movie is never as good as the book.  And I’ve concluded that it’s because of EXPECTATIONS.  We’ve created thoughts, pictures, and ideas in our minds about what the story should look and feel like. 

Except the movie directors also have their own thoughts, pictures, and ideas about what THEY think the story should look and feel like.  And unfortunately, because the directors are the ones making the movie, their thoughts & ideas win.  We have no control over it except to either enjoy what they’ve created or continuously compare the movie to how we thought it should be.  

Food Allergy Accommodations at Celebrations

Which brings me back to food allergies.  How does the movie scenario fit in with our lives as food allergy moms? 

We all want our kids to be safe, and every celebration to include our child as much as possible. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Even so, we have hopes, dreams, and ideas about how social events & celebrations SHOULD be.  But unfortunately, we’re not always the "director" of the "movie".  There are other directors involved who have their hopes, dreams, and ideas of how they think the celebration should be.  And unfortunately, the hard part is that WE can’t always control those directors.  Sometimes we have no control at all. 

Sometimes we know the directors of the event and we may be able to give our input and share our hopes, which sometimes makes it even harder because once we give our input we EXPECT that the director will accommodate them. 

But this doesn’t always happen. 

These are the times when we are forced to either enjoy what the director has created or continuously compare it to how we thought it should be, OR make our own food allergy accommodations.

Now, I’m not excusing poor judgment or plain meanness.  And, I’m not talking about putting our kids in harm's way.  Keeping our kids safe is non-negotiable and isn’t dependent on whether someone accommodates food allergies at a celebration.

But, I am saying, if a “director” in your life refuses to make food allergy accommodations, it’s ok to make your own accommodations AND still allow yourself and your family to enjoy what the “director” created instead of wishing for something you can’t change. 

This way we’re managing what we CAN control, OUR expectations. Managing OUR expectations of celebrations will help us decrease disappointment and resentment.  It’ll keep us from bitterness and keep us in a positive mindset. Hopefully, as time goes on, that director will start making food allergy accommodations because they slowly see how important it is. Sometimes this happens quickly and sometimes it takes years.

Managing Expectations of Food Allergy Accommodations

So how do we manage our expectations?  To start, say YES to invites. If you don’t feel like the food environment at an event will be safe, mention it to the host, but be prepared to make your own food allergy accommodations. 

Food allergy accommodations you can make include: 

• Host yourself so you can provide safe food and outline expectations that work best for your family.

• Arrive after the food has been served, or leave before it’s served.

• Bring your own food.

• Eat at home first.

• Suggest alternative activities that don’t include food.

• If you’ve got a little one and they’re in the “mouthing & touching” stage you may need to get help watching them while at the event. Tag team with your spouse or ask a responsible teen or tween to help (paying them doesn’t hurt either!).

Conclusion

These food allergy struggles won’t go away, and our kids need to see that they can live a full life with food allergies even when situations aren’t ideal. We need to teach them these skills so they can manage it themselves someday. Trust me, I know it isn’t easy because I used to struggle with it EVERY SINGLE CELEBRATION. But WE CAN DO THIS!

Let us know in the comments what you do to manage your expectations and still be social with food allergies.